Dear Nelson,
Why did I ever go out with you? You were wearing plastic "snake-skin" boots and a flannel shirt on our first date. With V05 hairdressing in your curly blonde hair, that redneck mustache, the piss-yellow glasses, and your lip kept twitching. You probably went home and pissed yourself. And you wore Brut cologne -- that's gross and I can't believe I was so desperate that we ever went on a second date. Looking back.... you had nothing compared to the guy I was already dating.
It was my fault, really. Why? Because I didn't have the balls to tell my current boyfriend that it wasn't working for me. *I NEEDED A MAN, and you seemed to want me. So as long as you were nice, I went along. Right now, Nel... even though I'm in love with a wonderful man, I don't NEED a man. I feel entirely confident that (although it would be much less enjoyable), I
You know, it's funny that this man I'm in love with... he has so many qualities that I want in a man. He's charming, he's consistently passionate about me. He cares about his health and appearance. He will do a lot for me, but he won't give me everything... which is important to note. Pastor said once not too long ago "You may love someone enough to die for them.... but do you love them enough to live for them?" That means that you love them enough to chance for them. To want to be a better person. I think you always only wanted whatever I could give to you, and not what we could be together.
Nel, your body odor was disgusting too. I'm so glad to be rid of you some days... even with all of the time I spent to make our lives beautiful and wonderful. Sure, you were afriad of me and certainly you believed in your heart that I was a bitch. But you never knew me. This man, this love of my life, has taught me so many things... One, is that we can control how we feel about things, react to things. Another, is that we can't control anything else. In actuality, I knew this... but it was hard to remember this when you were always trying to control me.
You could certainly make the argument that I was a controlling person.... but I did not actively manipulate you. God, Nel... I loved you. I swear to God I meant it. That's why I fought so hard to stay with you even when I knew it was going downhill like a snowball headed for hell. You accused me and then retreated into your own little world.
Always,
Josie... hoping to become the bane of your existance.
*Or, at least I thought I did...