At a turning point in her life, Josie was dating someone whose presence constantly made her cry. She later noted a friend who told of not being able to wait for her boyfriend to call and ask her out on a date... then, once he arrived, she would dread the remainder of the evening with him. This kind of ambivalence want not new to Jos. There wasn't really problems, per se, with Josie's and Pelligrino's relationship... but Josie felt like she wanted to move on and didn't know how. She never left one man but what she didn't have another. Josie would joke with her brother Jared about the fact that neither of them liked "getting rid of the old car" before they got a new one.
It was Jos's first year of college and she was experiencing new things, people, learning in a whole new life. Pellegrino was still a senior in high school, and his folkes expected that the two would marry shortly thereafter... and move to the Great White North, where Pell intended to study engineering. His folks expected Josie to be the consummate housewife, working while Pell was in school. Josie was never consulted about this and ever the one who wants to please... she didn't speak up until she was drowning in her own tears. One night, she asked Pell if they could date other people .. Pell said yes, but he wasn't going to date anyone else.
Jeannie got a job at a local fast food chain, and Josie started working there shortly thereafter. The first time Josie saw Nelson, he was cleaning a burger grill. Her first thought was "strong shoulders, nice a$$." She knew that she was still dating Pell... but she asked Jeannie to introduce her. Nelson was nice. Curly blonde hair... blue eyes. Funny. Josie forgot all about him when someone said he was 30, and that he was married with a little girl -- she was only 18!
By January, Nelson had hung out for hours before work, while Josie was washing the dishes... he would stand behind her and say "hey stuckup... fine, don't say hello to me"... One night, Jos threw her arms around him and gave him a full body hug. In the next few weeks, Jeannie opened her fat mouth to everyone at work, that Josie had a crush on Nelson. Jos wouldn't see Nel for almost a week, but she waited and wondered the whole time, whether or not Nel would ask her out. Jeannie said she heard that Nelson wanted to ask her out so she wrote him a dumb note.. it was on her birthday in 1992... and incidentally, on the night that Josie left him, he was still carrying that note in his wallet -- a full 12 years later. It read: "Dear Nelson, I heard something interesting... and in case you were wondering, I'm interested!! -- Josie"
Of course he asked her out... and it was a bit awkward on their first date, as Jeannie needed a ride home from work -- her car wouldn't start. It was 2 AM and Josie wanted Nel all to herself. They finally got Jeannie to go to sleep, and then they talked until 7 AM. They talked... they laughed...they cried together. Nelson gave Josie the first kiss he'd ever given anyone. Josie thought he was a bad kisser then. Funny thing... he never got better. She's a bit bitter about that now. But anyway.... Josie slept for a few hours after Nelson left, then called Pellegrino to break up with him.
At Pell's house, she apologized to him and did her best to explain that it all fell apart... it hadn't been right for the longest time.... and she was now with Nelson. It just hit Josie recently, how terribly it must have hurt him.. the way she broke up. It's no wonder that Pellegrino named his first baby after her. He would probably always hurt for her somewhere in his heart.
From that night on, Nel and Jos spent every evening together... before or after school or work... skipping school or work... through sickness, tiredness, arguing... whatever. They felt grateful to have found eachother... but always desperate. They felt as though there was a small window of opportunity for them in life, and they thought they had really beat the odds, to come together in the manner which they did. No one in Josie's life could make her as happy, or laugh as hard as Nelson. No one could brighten Nelson's day, or make him weep like Josie could.
Josie had been abused by boys in the past. She thought the only way that Nelson would continue to care for her, was if she put out.....
Saturday, January 24, 2004
Thursday, January 22, 2004
Until Jeannie and her husband Bobby, left...
But Bobby went out looking for Nelson for half of the night. Did I mention that Josie had a difficult test to take at the University the next morning? The first one in this class... and it was a hard class!
When Nelson finally came home, Jeannie and Bobby decided not to spend the night, but traveled 2 hours home, at 1 am, in order for Josie to put her home back together. Josie, was one who listened to her momma (no matter how much her momma did not then and still does not think so)... and as such, she never went to bed without trying to make up. Nelson could hold a grudge like you've never seen before. Josie couldn't ever believe what she saw in Nelson, when he would hold an argument against her for 2 or three weeks afterward. But this night was a bit different.
Nelson told Josie that he felt like the guy in Pink Floyd's "The Wall" video. Nelson told her that it was about what suicide might feel like, and that suicide would be a viable alternative to listening to Josie's incessant ranting about everything day in and day out. Josie had mentioned the last time that Nel had a meltdown, that they would seek counseling. Josie thought that something was wrong with her, because no one should ever make their partner... their lover... feel as though they wanted to kill themselves.
It was almost two days later when the couple first went for counseling at the University Health Services (UHS). Josie didn't quite fail her test the day previous... and her best friend Fern helped her study in the pre-dawn hours of that day. Josie was almost certain that her marriage was over that morning. But she pulled herself together and managed to pull her marriage back together as well. Little did she know it would only last for 5 more years.
The counseling was little more than adequate, and Nelson, like always, cried and said he loved Josie. Jos is a woman who takes people at their word. Nel was not a man of his word (sadly, Jos just realized it within the last two to three weeks). He was working days during the week, and nights on the weekend. Nelson was always a bastard to Josie if he worked too hard and if he didn't get any sleep. The big breakthrough in counseling, was for Josie to ask Nelson to stop working nights.
He did, and they spent a little more time together. That is all Josie ever wanted. That is all she ever fucking wanted.
But Bobby went out looking for Nelson for half of the night. Did I mention that Josie had a difficult test to take at the University the next morning? The first one in this class... and it was a hard class!
When Nelson finally came home, Jeannie and Bobby decided not to spend the night, but traveled 2 hours home, at 1 am, in order for Josie to put her home back together. Josie, was one who listened to her momma (no matter how much her momma did not then and still does not think so)... and as such, she never went to bed without trying to make up. Nelson could hold a grudge like you've never seen before. Josie couldn't ever believe what she saw in Nelson, when he would hold an argument against her for 2 or three weeks afterward. But this night was a bit different.
Nelson told Josie that he felt like the guy in Pink Floyd's "The Wall" video. Nelson told her that it was about what suicide might feel like, and that suicide would be a viable alternative to listening to Josie's incessant ranting about everything day in and day out. Josie had mentioned the last time that Nel had a meltdown, that they would seek counseling. Josie thought that something was wrong with her, because no one should ever make their partner... their lover... feel as though they wanted to kill themselves.
It was almost two days later when the couple first went for counseling at the University Health Services (UHS). Josie didn't quite fail her test the day previous... and her best friend Fern helped her study in the pre-dawn hours of that day. Josie was almost certain that her marriage was over that morning. But she pulled herself together and managed to pull her marriage back together as well. Little did she know it would only last for 5 more years.
The counseling was little more than adequate, and Nelson, like always, cried and said he loved Josie. Jos is a woman who takes people at their word. Nel was not a man of his word (sadly, Jos just realized it within the last two to three weeks). He was working days during the week, and nights on the weekend. Nelson was always a bastard to Josie if he worked too hard and if he didn't get any sleep. The big breakthrough in counseling, was for Josie to ask Nelson to stop working nights.
He did, and they spent a little more time together. That is all Josie ever wanted. That is all she ever fucking wanted.
Wednesday, January 21, 2004
No matter how much it hurts...
I am going to set forth the story of Nelson and Josie.... As was experienced by Josie. From start to finish... Although the finish part is still marinating on Josie's mind. Well, not from start to finish either, as Josie has an appreciation for stories that start in the middle.
So it was 5 years into a 10 year marriage when she first stood up to Nelson and put her foot down about all of this fighting. She was in her 2nd term at the U, after having gone back for her dream degree... So she could get her dream job. Nel always worked too much, was always tired. Josie's little sister Jeannie needed help in calculus, Josie and her friends were studying for a difficult mid-term. All Nelson wanted to do was go to bed. So he announced after dinner that he was doing just that. Josie loved him and asked him to spend 15 minutes with her before going to bed. Nelson became belligerent. Nelson screamed until all of Josie's friends left. Nelson pushed Josie down into the doorway and then Josie shoved him back (Josie doesn't really remember this part, as it was Jeannie that reminded her of this). Nelson grabbed his keys and drove off into the night. He would not come home until....
I am going to set forth the story of Nelson and Josie.... As was experienced by Josie. From start to finish... Although the finish part is still marinating on Josie's mind. Well, not from start to finish either, as Josie has an appreciation for stories that start in the middle.
So it was 5 years into a 10 year marriage when she first stood up to Nelson and put her foot down about all of this fighting. She was in her 2nd term at the U, after having gone back for her dream degree... So she could get her dream job. Nel always worked too much, was always tired. Josie's little sister Jeannie needed help in calculus, Josie and her friends were studying for a difficult mid-term. All Nelson wanted to do was go to bed. So he announced after dinner that he was doing just that. Josie loved him and asked him to spend 15 minutes with her before going to bed. Nelson became belligerent. Nelson screamed until all of Josie's friends left. Nelson pushed Josie down into the doorway and then Josie shoved him back (Josie doesn't really remember this part, as it was Jeannie that reminded her of this). Nelson grabbed his keys and drove off into the night. He would not come home until....
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